everything i wanted

2005-06-30T20:08:00.000+08:00

i hate the word lonely.
its been like that for a long time
i hate being alone.
when i was little, i would refuse to sleep alone at night.
i hated the dark.
looking into the dark,is like looking into empty spaces, with nothing in front of you. i hated that feeling.
i hated the feeling of loss.
it gives me a sense of emptiness.i hate it too.

there are so many things that i hate. but i can't think of any that i like.
maybe that is what is happening to me now. i hate so many things but i like nothing.
is it really so difficult to like something? sometimes, i think so. i know that nothing is perfect but it is also true that nothing ever seems to work out for me. everything is just falling apart.

i am just like a piece of shattered glass.maybe that isn't right. maybe nothing's ever right,maybe its just that everyone says its right, but i don't.

maybe.maybe.i never give definite answers.i am tired of myself.

2005-06-14T20:00:00.000+08:00

hey blog
hey empty spaces
hey silence
hey people, i am back. (like, so what?)

i finally turned on my computer. (like, huge accomplishment.=o)
June hols are so short, like what the heck?
the malaysian trip was some kind of a miracle. it was wholesome!!
the homework is wholesome, too.

i suddenly feel empty and hollow.like empty space.

pah. what a nice new entry.

2005-05-27T15:27:00.000+08:00

today is the last day of school and guess what? i am SICK. so i am IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER looking at friendster and typing THIS. i think i am really getting sick. even my typing is WEIRD. GOSH.

I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete...

sorry, i am just ranting away. x)

2005-05-19T14:22:00.000+08:00

i am exceptionally hyper now because

1) i just watched a superb movie called "Gattaca" and the main character is soooooo shuai!! ( of course, counting that the fact that he is an ang moh.)

2) i finally got to blog on the school comp. my house comp is down and the stupid school comp can't really work cuz they blocked any access to any blogs. but after waiting for about a thousand years, i finally got through.

3) we have sabbaticals and there has been no proper lessons for the whole week.( we have philosophy every day and after that, literature through senses, where we watch movies like Gattaca, Amlee, hunchback of notre dame, children of heaven. all with very good-looking guys. i am so totally obsessed with them)

4) the weekends are ARRIVING and the holidays are almost here!!! x))))

ok, THIS IS A SHORT POST. I SHALL END HERE.

2005-05-05T20:20:00.000+08:00

mood: numb
song: incomplete by backstreet boys

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody's guess

i don't understand why everthing's a mess
nothing ever turns out right
and sometimes i just wished i could let go.

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

all by myself
that is what you said to me
i don't understand why
but i am falling down
so help me

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

nothing's ever right.
and everything's a mess
and i wanna be alone
to think about everything that is happening
and sort it out
i am so confused

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

letting go isn't easy
forgetting is easier
slipping away
from your grasp
falling from my stepping stone
tripping into darkness

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

nothing ever comes out right.
and life is meaningless.

this song is just so good.
it totally describes how i feel sometimes.
it is like there is something missing in my life.

sometimes i just get so confused

2005-04-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

letting go. it is not easy but somteimes you've got to do it. i understand how it feels. i believe in fate and that everything happens by chance. even how i am in nanyang and in choir and everything.

somethimes i feel that expressing my feelings in songs are easier.in lyrics, your feelings are more well-expressed. i find myself and i just sing with the songs.
it feels just like when somebody close left me, i start singing songs and i just sort of set the mood. sometimes it helps. sometimes it doesn't.

fate is a simple but complicated thing. sometimes it turns out right , sometimes it doesn't. but in any way, i am just happy to have you there, no matter how short the time was.

letting go, it wasn't easy, and it never is.

2005-04-20T17:19:00.000+08:00

mood: weird O__o
song: Almost here by delta goodrem featuring brian mcfadden

bruised and battered by your words
dazed and shattered
now it hurts
haven't i always loved you?

thinking back, i think i have done a lot of stupid stuff, like believing in you.
in the first place, i thought you were strong. but i was wrong.
i thought you were true, but i was wrong
you were never good to me.
i don't know how i even managed to believe you.

now you have left me.
and i finally realized that i was so stupid
to believe in you
and having faith in you
how could you do such a thing to me?
i don't understand

i need to run away.
far from you
far from anyone
to get away
from you.

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind i?d left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

i am such a fake

2005-04-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

mood: sick. urgh.
song: going crazy- Natalie

i am so crazy. blogging twice a day. i was justing thinking about Jiamin's blog. sometimes, i do get that kind of feeling whereby there is someone who is your good friend or something then all of a sudden the person seems like he/she gets tired of you and doesn't care about you anymore and goes with someone else. it has happened to me before. i felt like trash; ready to be thrown away anytime. and it hurts. but i just ignored it and went with someone else. perhaps not thinking about it and pretending it never happened does work. i don't know. there are times whereby i am confused and don't know what to do, but i choose not to think about anything and just live life aimlessly. hah. so weird, i don't know why i thought of that. anyway , i have keeping this thing to myself for a long time, just takinginallthebullshit. somehow i always seem to forgive the person.

i can't believe we didn't get in for SYF opening ceremony, so sad. i really wanted to get in for that. haiz. and jiamin, u rock, darling. and u look perfectly fine with braces.

and to the seniors, i will miss u all darlings. i love u all, u make me learn from whatever i do.

A few things i need to remember to do so as not to make some people pissed.
1)not to touch anyone before washing my hands, people will not want me to dirty their hair, hand, etc. therefore, prefably don't touch, because i am dirty.oh great.

2)be resposible and not laugh too much. must act serious. om nationals are coming.and i wasn't born with a serious face. hah. not funny.

3)not to drip paint or anything on anyone. dirties the floor plus the person. and get a scolding for my carelessness.

4)remember all stuff at all times. otherwise, people get irritated because you are useless.

5)not to exaggerate(althought i don't really know what that means) or some people will say that you are "the best exaggerater in the world"(or something like that) and since i am a GREAT exaggerater, must remember to keep some stuff to myself. because, unluckily, i am born with VERY GOOD exaggerating skills.

I HAVE NO FREEDOM. gosh, i realize i have no life. i do what people want. maybe i should just do whatever i want and don't care.

i hate myself

2005-04-12T17:21:00.000+08:00

mood:bad. very.oh i don't know.
song: all you wanted by michelle branch

love
it is a difficult thing to understand
hate
it is a complicated thing.
when you hate someone
does it mean that she is contaminated?
sometimes i wonder if hating someone
makes you feel better?

love me, hate me
i don't care
you don't know the definition of hate
nothing is forever
neither am i
i can't stand it anymore.
you are going out
of my mind
just fuck off.

2005-04-09T21:22:00.000+08:00

mood: depressed.
song: comotu, night.

i still can't believe it. we got gold with honours!!! but, good things never last for a long time. even things like this. the sec fours are leaving, which is so depressing, after seeing them for more then a year and crying in front of them and stuff. sometimes i really wished i could stay in the mmoment when we had SYF. it would be my last and best memory of the sec fours.
....
....
....
there are times whereby i don't know what i am thinking, so i listen to music. it usually helps a lot. i tend to find my answers easier. perhaps thats why i am in choir. i express myself through singing, not acting. isn't it amazing how things always work out in the end? i guess i am just lucky. lucky to be in my school. lucky to be in choir and lucky to meet all the nice seniors. i am also lucky to meet all my good friends. i guess this is fate, the thing that is always there for us, no matter where we are or what we do. i believe in fate sometimes, it helps me to sort myself out easier, sometimes i think too much, and it hurts, but sometimes i just wonder why i want to think so much, because anyway, what is the use? you should just appreciate what you have and make the best out of it before it is gone.

this is going out to all my seniors, i love you xoxoxo.

2005-04-07T18:36:00.000+08:00

i can't believe it. we got GOLD WITH HONOURS!!! i am so proud of choir!! it was so cool. i wish we could just go on like that forever. i am so going to miss the choir seniors. they are the best people on earth. unlike some other people.

sometimes i really wonder if i am closer to choir people or those in my class. it seems to me like i am closer to choir people. my world revolves around choir. maybe some people may think that i am like showing off whenever i sing in class at the top of my voice but whatever. WHO CARES?? i mean, no matter what, we have to train our voices right? like today when we went to class to tell our dear classmates about SYF there was a TOTALLY different feeling when we told them then when the class monitress stepped in and told them. not that i am being over sensitive or something but yeah, i am not the only one who feels like that. it is as if i am extra or something. whatever. i don't care if anyone gets offended. i have had enough. and i am feaking pissed whenever i think about it. i still remember when i stepped out of class and then the class monitress stepped in. the attitude was different. i don't know. sometimes i think perhaps this is because i am just over sensitve or something but anyway, this is my last year with this class, and i hope next year i would be in a class with more choir people, where people appreciate more music and not like last year, when we asked them to go for our concert they were like no way or either "you pay for me lar, so expensive" sometimes it is good not to think too much. it just hurts even more. i should just act like i didn't see anything or hear anything. sometimes doing that is good. actually, i always do that, even when something bad is happening and i know it, i just act dumb, and it is actually better, because you don't get hurt as deeply.

freak out.

three cheers for SYF!!

sometimes i absolutely hate myself.

2005-04-03T16:40:00.000+08:00

i am f***ing pissed off with a person. this is officially the first time i used this word here.

i have totally nothing to say. just that sometimes can you be more sensitive and not start having this ravings whereby you start throwing your temper on me. one day i am just going to burst. which is soon. i can't stand it anymore.

you suck.

2005-03-30T15:40:00.000+08:00

syf is coming. 8 days left. not much time. and we sound shitty. and u guessed it,we got scolded by our conductor. ergh. i feel lousy. like i am not worthy to be in choir or something, it is like i am the one who was out of tune. and i felt worse when i saw melissa cry.(melissa loh, that is, my choir senior)bam,my mother is screaming at my brother again. i have no life. sometimes i wish that i were a star or something..it would be great, but anyway, it is impossible. god, i sound depressed. ok, never mind...

i like this song, just like how i feel now....i decided,where i go ,where i sleep, i am the one who runs my life. everthing will turn out all right even though you are:

1) out of tune
2) soft
3) airy
4) a junior
5) a talentless freak
6) standing in the front row alone with a senior.
7) and again, out of tunee!!!!

i am such a pessimist. but it feels good. ha, now i am a sadist. and this doesn't help when i am :

1) a total freak at art, considering the disastrous result at my tries of making a stupid mascot which, of course looks like a freak, which of course looks like me, a talentless freak.

2) stupid at studies. the teacher says i am "distracted in class" for some reasons i don't know.

3) a nobody, i doubt anyone knows me or there is even anyone reading this. my tagboard is a good evidence, it is so empty that if i sit in it, there would still be space left.

4) useless at everthing, considering at my disfigured looks and lousy grades

basically, those are half of my personal flaws, which is almost everything, so i don't understand why i am even in nanyang, considering the freak i am . i guess that was on account on my luck, which is like perhaps the best thing about being me. and i am not always lucky, because i usually am not.

sometimes i don't understand why i even blog. nobody will come to read, anyway, just some. thanks guys. =)

sometimes i am just a complete freak.

check this out. it is so funny. by the way, i snatched it off ruiping' s blog. =D

to whoever wrote this.

2005-03-23T19:28:00.000+08:00

today something interesting happened. i shall give a full report. right. today was more or less ok unitl that is the last period which is assembly. during assembly, our poor HOD had to tell us something bad. it was of course about some stupid blog. and so it goes:
Bitch slap those Nanyang Girls

(Whenever I make my way home myself on bus 171, I share the misfortune with other passengers to be on the same bus as girls from Nanyang Girl's High. The situation is the same everytime I take the bus.

Normally the seats on the bus are all occupied by the time it gets to NYGH, so the NY girls will be the first to board with only room to stand. And everytime, different girls will do the same thing, which is to root themselves to the exit of the bus, leaving the back half of the bus empty while they gossip at the top of their whiny voices, oblivious that the front half of the bus is full and people are still trying to board.

Today's scenario is as such:

Girl #1: Typical pretty, I'm oh so sweet and cute young thing girl who talks with an accent from a nonexistent country
Girl #2: Nerdy with thick and oily wavy hair in clumps. Specky. Cheena. Probably straight As student with no life
Girl #3: Typical sidekick with no opinion
Girl #4: Tries to be like Girl #1, albeit unsuccessfully

Girl #4 enters the bus first and walks to the exit and stops 2 steps away from it. The rest of the pack follows, together with the crowd behind. Front half of bus is full of smelly NJC students.

Because the bus is so full and Girl #1 is standing right at the exit, the crowd nudges her forward but instead of moving to the rear, Girl #1 takes a step down the exit and vents her armpits, clamping them on the unlucky EZ-link card reader. Absolutely ghastly sight. Well, if your school has an armpit ventilating uniform, the first and foremost thing you should know is never to raise your arms in public. Straight away, she doesn't seem that sweet and cute to me. I wonder if she shaves.

At the next stop, Hwa Chong JC. More people are trying to board the bus, but the girls just refuse to move back. Everyone is trying hard to squeeze onto the bus, some even having to stand on the steps but these 4 girls still insist to stay rooted to their spot. They even glance to look at the front a couple of times. And all these while they are the only 4 people standing at the 2nd half of the bus.

I was seated 4 rows behind them and I could hear their conversation. Girl #2 talks about school work most of the time. Girl #1 talks about guys and gossips about other girls. Girl #3 agrees. Girl #4 tries to talk about guys and provides gossip fodder. Noise pollution especially from Girl #4's piercing, shrieking excited-all-the-time voice.

By the time the bus passed SMU and arrived at SCGS, I was staring tampons into all 4 of them. Luckily for Girl #2 and #3, they managed to get seats right next to the door. Girl #1 and #4 however still stood at the same spot next to them. Doesn't their elitist SAP school teach them some courtesy as least. Shows a total lack of EQ in today's children. And these girls, when they graduate, they go to Hwa Chong or National JC and they do the same thing. At the end of the journey, I was ready to step on all their faces.

Bitches!)
and so ends the insulting entry.by the way, the address is
this so if you want to complain, just go.

so right now, thanks to this annonymous guy, all nanyang girls are bitches. wow, thanks a whole lot man.

it is not bad enough that my brother stared laughing his head off when he saw the entry and now everyone knows about nanyang girls' are bitches but have you ever thought of it? it is not easy to be in Nanyang in the first place because:

1) you have to maintain good results or you get kick out.
2) no matter where you go, people will think, oh nanyang girls, good school, expectations higher.
3) you wear white uniform, therefore usually all nanyang girls are expert in eating without spilling anything on yourself, which is quite a good thing, if you ask me.
4) you've got to shave your armpits and thats not enough, even better, can wax right??
5) you have to be an all-rounder, in studies, sports, ccas, looks and actions, or you will be called a bitch or manly.
6) you can't be yourself, basically, with no freedom.

so, it is not easy being a nanyang girl huh? being a neighbourhood school girl, nobody cares whether you shave, i mean, have you ever heard someone say ang mo kio sec students don't shave??!! (sorry but no offence, just taking an example) whatever, ok? poor ez-link card reader, all stinked up right? and whats wrong with a "high, piercing voice"?? i mean, we are girls right?? only guys have low voices.sometimes i don't understand guys. if you are too high pitched or something, they say you are a bitch but if you are too rough or something, they say you are like a guy. what the - ??

never mind. i shall stay refined. i am a little shocked by what the person said. perhaps he got a wrong understanding of nanyang girls. i shall leave it like that.

sometimes i think it is not easy being me. hmph.

2005-03-20T10:46:00.000+08:00

take my quiz here

2005-03-11T17:11:00.000+08:00

i can't believe it. we got into the OM nationals! there is this kind of bittersweet feeling of suceess, after all we had done, i just can't believe it. maybe miracles do happen.

three days of camp is tiring and i was totally excited to soak my tired and aching and stinky body in the shower at home. we only bathed properly once in three days. the other day three of us had to squeeze into the same toilet and bathe. not to mention that every few minutes there would be someone knocking on your door to rush you out. and i was like oof. anyway this is going to be a short post because my poor aching hands have no strength to press any buttons anymore. cheers everyone!

2005-03-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

i just watched Moulin Rouge on channel 5. it rocks like hell!!! at least right now there is something to take my poor brain cells off school. wow...if we could act like that then it would be the best thing that could happen...i just can't stop thinking of the show. i was pratically crying with them. if this is what happens to a generally insensitive person like me, i wonder what would happen to a highly sensitive person..hmm..

i just made a giant contribution of brain cells to om. so wasted, when it could used for important things like science and maths. we stayed up for the whole night and i am having camp this week so byebye to beauty sleep. i think you will see additional wrinkles on my skin. ergh. plus disgusting eyebags.ew.

Saturday we spent the whole day at orchard.hahah.buying my senior's prom stuff.whehee.
due to the great contribution of brain cells to a certain project. i just can't seem to think of anything more to write. hmph. >.< come what may. and there's no mountain too high. no river too wide. and i will love you until the end of time.

"to be loved is better than loving"
-Moulin Rouge.

"the important thing is, we have each other. that's enough"
-Moulin Rouge

Love makes the world go round . it keeps us going. we need love to breathe. i never knew that, until you came and showed it to me..

take my quiz at :
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz_IM.php?quizname=050306093715-237793

mood: depressed.

2005-03-02T18:13:00.000+08:00

i am a goner.

it is over.

i just don't understand why some people can score s well while people like me just can't.

i don't care whether i am good or not
i don't care whether i sing well.
i don't care whether i study
i don't care whether i get paint on my skirt.
i don't care whether i am treated like shit
i don't care whether i am perfect.
you don't understand
you don't know
you don't comprehend
how i feel
so just go away
i wanna be bad
i wanna be myself
i wanna be free
i wanna go my way.

sometimes i wonder whether what you said was true.

2005-02-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

hey people! thanks for tagging my board. and to kewei, jia you on ur blog or you will end up like me and not updating ur blog for a long time.

anyway, right now i am doing my homework and blogging. slacking, quite obviously. i still have a pile of homework to do. and yesterday we had a om meeting at my house and i am exhausted. still have homework. i am just gonna clip on earphones and listen to songs to keep me awake while i do my homework. and i don't want to think about my stupid maths, chinese and science test which i am going to fail. =(

god, help me.

2005-02-20T19:38:00.000+08:00

i am never broken. no matter what you do to me. i don't care.

my best friend just said that she hated me

and she said we were going to be enemies.

whatever

so i started crying

and you were there

thank you bear =)

in the end, only kindess matters...

then, my friend said she thought it was childish and didn't mean it..

is that really true??

song:emotional by i forget who.

2005-02-17T20:35:00.000+08:00

whatever. my mom is disagreeing to my buying contacts AGAIN. and it is not like i am using their money. i am using my HONGBAO money. like i said. whatever . i don't understand why she is so indecisive, first she say can then now she says no just because she heard a mews report of someone who wore contacts going blind because she didn't take it out. which just shows how much she trusts me. a little tiny weeny bit. which is sooooo ssad. acually , this has happened for lots of times. first she say yes then after that she will say no. i am used to it already. which shows how much i know her. i hate it when she tells me that she will get contacts for me and thn raise my hopes and in the end don't want to buy, it is like being cheated. and i don't like the feeling. so everytime this happens, we will argue over it. she will say contacts are no good and i will ask her to try to think of it in another way but she never gets it. which is frustrating and always leaves me angry. and i am angry with her now. so i can't stand and write it here. the worst thing is she wants to get contacts for special occasions ONLY. which is so weird because you suddenly don't wear specs. she doesn't understand lor. and she keeps comparing with my friends who only wears contacts for special occasions. ergh. i want to scream.AHH!!!

it is all that stupid optician's fault. in the first place, it was her who discouraged my mom and keep saying contacts are DANGEROUS. ergh. -__-. and the thing is that the optician herself wears contacts and is like contradicting herself. whatever. i don't care what stupid things my mom says. i have waited for one year because i asked her last year when i can get contacts and she said in sec2 so i am going to get it by hook or by crook. and this time i will make sure she keeps her promise. =((((

i doubt anyone will be reading this but i need some comments on contacts, pls?i am in a kind of dilemma. =)

anyway, in school. haiz.........................that should be enough. =( my homework is like counted in piles. one pile, two pile, three pile . haiz.. who cares about me anyway? i am really depressed now. i think i am emotional. ok . i am gonna cry. =(

2005-02-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

here are some of the pictures i took during chinese new year. it rocks!!

this is some of the firecrackers we played with. these are some of the mild ones already. =)

just added this for fun. i thought it was cute. it is a piucture of my cousin protesting.

i didn't manage to get good pics coz it is at night plus i was a little sick on that day with fever and bad headache.

this pictures are gonna be here for a loong timme. to remind me of the lovely chinese new year i had. =)

2005-02-15T14:29:00.000+08:00

ok. here i am AFTER chinese new year. all stressed out. with.

history test tomorrow
new choir juniors coming on thursday
SYF coming!!
more tests next week
more homework!

my life is OVER.

....

and i haven't printed out my history notes plus science notes! stupid. this is what i came to the comp lab for. =(

2005-02-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

i love lovelove this song XD. THAT IS WHY IT IS HERE!!! i am gonna buy the cd SOON. =)

more later...

2005-01-28T14:18:00.000+08:00

what the hell?? i think i almost got heat stroke. standing under the hot sun and everything. ergh.
thoday we had the student counseller thingy and we sat in the HALL and i got all sticky and stinky.eww.i hate it when i am sticky and stinky, makes me feel ....eeky.

and the worst thing is when i was starting to get into the student counseller's thingy then we had to leave the hall because of some stupid badminton tournament. which is so sucky. i know i sound pissed but everything is stupid now. erm..sometimes that sort of happens to me..

so here i am blogging in the comp lab with the comfort of the air con and trying to get less sticky. and there is choir later. plus tomorrow. omg!! haha...sooo happy. i love singing!! =)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

2005-01-23T18:49:00.000+08:00

i just have to blog again. it is so freaky. so many people have the same blogskins!! i hope mine doesn't happen to be the same as my friends or something.

oh yar. i am supposed to be depressed

2005-01-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

weird. everytime i come here i find nothing to say. which is really sad because i am supposed to do something.great.

homework.
-~~english journal~~
-~~chinese ws~~
-chinese compo
-geog ws
-history ws
-art

see how busted i am ?? and to make it worse i just cut my finger.oww.and i don't know how i did it. plus it is on the index finger. i feel worse.=X

melissa just cut her hair. can't wait to see what she looks like. but seeing her means going to school which means homework. which means more homework to do . AHHH!!! i am sooo depressed plus tired =( where is chinese new year???????????

yesterday i just had new curtains in my room. well, i didn't like the colour so i just went to change it this morning. i wish something or someone would appear to help me finish my homework. it would be the greatest gift of all.

i am so stressed out that i forgot how to spell "supposed". i feel stupid.

<>

2005-01-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

oh well, i am soo tired. this whole week is like a chore. every day just wake up, go to school, come home, eat, sleep then go school again.luckily friday is a holiday.. =)
anyway, i don't know how to put it but i need to say a big thank you to everyone =)

first, to my three best friends.

Melissa goh : although sometimes you can be a little grouchy and stuff (which can sometimes be a little scary) but you are a real nice big bear to cuddle ! xD

Charlotte : For being the greatest friend to talk to and all those stuff.. =)

Lihong : thanks for being the cutest ah moi in the world !!! =))

secondly, to the people in choir.

Melissa loh the perfectionist (this is so totally true ok. ): well, what to say?? we can't go on without you !! =))

Celine: my funkiest senior. *heart* you. xD (don't forget i am spying on you . >.<)
(by the way, no, you are not scary.)

Kai Xuan: omg. u are the cutest senior i ~~ever~~ had

Louise: Oh man. i just love graffiting with you. that is all i say. **hughug**

Yi Xiao : three words: hey cool babe. +)

Yiting(alto 2): alto 2s rock!!!

Jiamin : man, i miss you !! =)

Siew Mun: u and celine are just : funky. xD

Sylvia: u know what?? your hair is nice. haha.... rock on senior!! **hughug**

Kerryn: Our bigbig sister.. =))) we will miss you!!

Kimberly: our dear vice-president. (oh dear, i am gonna cry...haha)

Yangzi: we r cool!!!

Lilin: you are just so funny sometimes..you are like our nice sister. =)

........to all my other choir seniors(there are too many to name) **hug**

thirdly, my bestest classmates.

Dina : for being a good assistant monitress and a very good friend.

Miao Ran : our cute monitress cum sop 1 member. =)

Everyone: i am so sorry but i can't think of anything to say....i am speechless=)))...haha...
**heart** you!!

actually, that is not a lot of people whom i thanked but just those i can think of... =p.

well, its been a long time since i done this. xoxoxo kisses to everyone.

2005-01-14T14:02:00.000+08:00

yeah!! end of the school week....i am still in school. the teacher is still teaching....
anyway, i am so damn tired because everyday i have to wake up early and go to school..=(
so, i am finally an angel!!! that is so cool!!! and my mortal is soo cute!!!haha..

by the way, later have choir and miss lim is coming,plus i am not sure about comotu yet..=(
further details will come after i have gone for choir....cant wait..

the computer lab is so empty now that lesson is over. time check: 2:07pm. about forty minutes before choir. haiz..

so i shall be back to update more choir information..=)

song: m2m's mirror

2005-01-12T18:57:00.000+08:00

ooo lala....i love this song, by m2m called mirror...=)

2nd week of school and i am very depressed PLUS tired.
not a lot of homework but lots of stress from me, myself..yar...actually is not tired because of school but because of the stress i am giving myself. :P

tomorrow have choir but i haven't go to memorise yet....too lazy after doing maths.

plus i still haven't think of what story for tomorrow's skit...sad.

this stupid computer is so slow. i had to restart it once to get it going, but it is still very slow. =(
anyway, since i have nothing to do now, here are some pictures i took while i was in cameron highland.

me and my cousins sucking on a lollipop. it was freezing cold at that time.

me, my san jie and jojo on the mountain!!

i just love this hairstyle!

moulin rogue:Lady Marmalade

2005-01-10T21:18:00.000+08:00

hey. i am so tired. reading to kill a mockingbird. and this is a very stupid book. i admit. but it is quite funny too.

actually, i just really need to know whether am i very fake??? people pls reply me!! i need to know because i am really worried about it. this has nothing to do with what anyone said. because i actually thought so before too. so i need comments.. =)

choir's [comotu]

2005-01-08T20:04:00.000+08:00

i can tell you. choir is scary sometimes. especially the last choir practice. that was hell. ms lim wasn't in a good mood so everything was =(.

but, good news was alto 2s rock!!!! we r so stable!! =) omg. thats my only comment.

first, have to thank the most important person. melissa. by the way, she is a perfectionist. so i guess that explains it all. she just makes us go through the song again and again. but i guess it is not a bad thing when you have only seven people in your section against about forty to maybe fifty people??!

so next in the line are my friends in the same section. we rock!!! yes, and plus louise, melissa goh and loh, and celine and tingyi and the others. although we decided not to talk to celine, we still did in the end. we were too nice. =)

so anyway i hope the sec 1s are ok this yr. last year i remember that the sec4 seniors terrify me. especially celine, gladys and kimberly. oh well . kaixuan was really cute though.

so last thing. i want jc ingham for maths!!! that maths teacher is driving me nuts!!!!

2005-01-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

ok..so i am here to update my blog. as melissa told me to do so.
anyway, the first day in school was not good at all. i was late and then i found out that we changed teachers, which is a bad thing, obviously. actually i kind of miss the holidays, i mean at least you don't need to do stupid homework and face stupid teachers and wear stupid uniform and learn stupid maths formulas.

and so since i am in sec 2 now, i am an angel!!! hahaha....but i won't say who my mortal is. so i am in school in front of the comp in the lab during recess and the air-con here is freezing. even when i am in my jacket. i have a feeling it is cold only bacause i am sitting under the air-con.

today there is choir after school, which means i will have to stay back until five. this also means that i have been having choir for the whole week, which is very tiring, believe me. i think the sec 1s this year are damn quiet, so not like us last year. we were so..... =) .....--

this year we are having this odessey of the mind thing and it is, well, stupid.
i don't feel like going to SCHOOL!!
>>
>>
>>
ok. ten minutes b4 end of recess. and i am starting to feel hungry. damn. and after this we have to go to the audi. stupid too.
i guess the only thing i look forward to is going home.
every day i wake up, eat, go to school. come back, do homework, sleep and then go to school.
which is so totally boring.

the only thing to look forward now is chinese new year. although i don't get to keep the hong bao money, which is usually kept in the bank. but at least you get to stay up till late at night.

the bell just went off. so i am off to the stupid audi.

2004-12-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

tomorrow going overseas loh...yeah!!!so now i am packing...not really because i am blogging now but later lah....

ever since i started blogging, i decided to try and write in proper english because if i write in short form very difficult to read so i will take more time to blog...which is the reason why my mom is screaming at me to shut off the computer to start packing..type too slow..harhar..
so anyway..ciao.... =)

2004-12-14T15:52:00.000+08:00

this is soooo cute..harhar

2004-12-13T20:32:00.000+08:00

ha.so here i am. actually dun feel like blogging but anyway...
todae had choir. was so tiring and almost died in pt.
hope saturday comes soon so i can go overseas!!

2004-12-01T17:13:00.000+08:00

Your social intelligence, that what makes you
special, a lot of people love you, you are
cautious when it comes to talking about your
feelings, you are practical in most things, you
are wise, logical and you listen to the common
sense, well you usually do, but some times you
just get bored, try to express your feelings no
matter what people would say, probably you like
earth colours.

What makes you unique?
brought to you by

2004-12-01T17:11:00.000+08:00

You are a Passionate Kisser there is some thing
about your approach to kissing that is natural,
smooth and ultimatly very charming, that is
right you know the right moves to lure your
mate, some may call you a player, but you know
that it is just a cover for what you really
feel toward your partner.

What kind of kisser are you?
brought to you by quizilla

2004-12-01T16:39:00.000+08:00

2004-12-01T16:33:00.000+08:00

2004-12-01T15:42:00.000+08:00

2004-11-29T19:12:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i came here....i made a few changes to my blog...here and there.....and anyway, today's choir was cool....we got all wet from the water bombs and all stinky and exhausted from the treasure hunt we had..oh and to melissa who came up with the treasure hunt thingy. thanks for the stuff. =D. heh.
and thanks to all the ppl who tagged..-big smiley-...ha.
right now i don't know what to say...haiz..oh christmas is coming but anyway i don't celebrate christmas so...well anyway merry christmas..

and the prague ppl came back...guess what??

WE GOT A SILVER!

wonder if miss lim is mad...or happy??!!

anyway that is for our seniors to worry about..haha.

i just found out that i love to laugh.
anyway i am going broke.
i want so many things but one problem:i got no holiday pocket money.....waaaa

i just bought this glow in the dark stuff to stick on my handphone and it is like.....erm.....don't know how to say but never mind...

i saw this bag at the j8 op that is damn nice...and i just fell in love with it the first time i saw it but i already got one for my birthday.....so sad

so anyway today the kisses are going out to all my choir seniors [xoxoxoxo]

2004-11-27T18:34:00.000+08:00

I am a hybrid of:

Girl Next Door
Progressive Girl
Click on the pictures below to read more:

Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

2004-11-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

well, here i am again. ha, i seem to always be here, huh??? anyway, i don't feel like commenting on today's choir practice oh well.....anyway today i just say a bit enough oredi 'cuz i want to catch a show...harhar......

sometimes i get really bored at home and just start going bonkers. which is so like me....i haven't been going out for a long time you see....i hope to get some pocket money next week and become richer.... =)

.................

i don't know what to say....it always happens to me....i come here and don't know what to type.... =-/

so, anyway at the pace i am going, i hope to finish reading lots of books before the holidays end....not a feat but a hobby when you are so bored like me.....haiz....

oh, its been a long time since i done this because i didn't feel like it....
[xoxoxo] kissses...to my ah moi and ah ji and ex-ah bu.......harhar....and i need to remind you i am the cutest still!!

2004-11-24T20:23:00.000+08:00

i know. its been ages since i was here...ha..thats because i finally got a life ....of playing playstation....haha....can't believe i am reduced to that....anyway, choir is boring.....i really don't know why i join it sometimes....you go choir, act "tao", and when you laugh too much you are not serious and when you try to learn songs you have to "rely on yourself and learn yourself", oh well. i just hope none of our seniors read this but ...sometimes when me and melissa laugh, it doesn't mean we are not "serious", it just means it is "funny"...ok??? cool it man...

ok. so tomorrow is opening day and i have to go to school for nothing other than:choir. it is not that bad if you don't count the

scoldings
"opps-i-forgot-how-to-sing-the-song-"s
black faces
blur looks
"can-you-both-be serious-if-not-you-will-have-to-get-out/stand-behind-to-sing-yourself" (not that we have no other places to go but....do you think we like it??!!)
and the list goes on...

not that bad.huh?? see i told you. so, i have to remember to :

not smile
not giggle
not forget the songs
be serious which means listening to seniors and acting stupid....
just keep smiling like an idiot when someone scolds you
not argue back. (remember!)
listen to the rest
don't sing too fast
not talk (just shut your mouth, huh??)
be serious but still paste a smile on your face when people come to see you. (i don't know how you do it but we are supposed to, 'cuz we are clever, aren't we??)
sing with emotion
be punctual or get your head bitten off

thats about it....oh man...i can't wait...oh i better start learning not too smile too often because people, for no particuar reason, can't stand it when you smile as you are not serious...hm...food for thought...anyway just a question here, but is it a crime o smile??? i mean, does smiling mean you are not sorry for what you have done or not serious??? i really don't know but it seems i have this natural ability of smiling and making people angry even when i don't mean it....haiz...but hey,maybe not smiling means you are serious....ok. i am confused.

why????

...........

...............

.................

..................

...................

........................

..................

..............

..........

.....

i give up.

i am already trying my best to be serious but i just am not to you, i guess....

better be myself and get scolded or put on a mask and act like a stupid geek????

i really don't know...

oh and i really didn't mean to hurt anyone if i offended anyone....just that this has been with me for some time and it feels much better saying it out.

comments anyone???? =)

2004-11-17T18:09:00.000+08:00

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,

She felt it everyday.

And I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.

You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.

Her dreams she can't find.

She's losing her mind.

She's fallen behind.

She can't find her place.

She's losing her faith.

She's fallen from grace.

She's all over the place.

Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

2004-11-17T18:00:00.000+08:00

ok....i cut my hair and i think i suck.. right now i feel suicidal.....
erks...i am never going to cut my hair again....i think i look better in long hair...haha...
anyway, i don't know how i am going to go back to school tomorrow to buy my books....haiz...
i am scared...i can't believe it.
hope my hair grows longer fast. at least before school reopens, that is....if not i am going to be the laughing stock.ughg.

hmm...lets think....two months is a lot of time right?? of course not!!! i can't believe this....but oh well, just go with it.....

oh well....[xo] kisses

2004-11-17T16:05:00.000+08:00

There were places we would go at midnight
There were secrets that nobody else would know
There's a reason but I don't know why
I know don't why, I don't know why
I thought they all belonged to me

[chorus]
Who's that girl
Where's she from
No, she can't be the one
That you want
That has stolen my world
It's not real, it's not right
It's not day, it's not night
By the way, who's that girl
Livin' my life
Oh no, livin' my life
Seems like everything's the same around me
Then I look again and everything has changed
I'm not dreaming, so I don't know why
I don't know why, I don't know why
She's everywhere I wanna be

[chorus]
Who's that girl
Where's she from
No, she can’t be the one
That you want
That has stolen my world
It's not real, it's not right
It's not day, it's not night
By the way, who's that girl
Livin' my life
I'm the one who made you laugh
Who made you feel
And made you sad
I'm not sorry
For what we did, and who we were
I'm not sorry, I'm not her

[chorus]
Who's that girl
Where's she from
No, she can’t be the one
That you want
That has stolen my world
It's not real, it's not right
It's not day, it's my night
By the way, who's that girl
Livin' my life
Oh no, livin' my life

2004-11-16T15:11:00.000+08:00

oh well. here i am again, guess i don't need to say why.

just got back from malaysia and i can tell you that cameron highland is cold plus -boring.

anyway, i have just decided on a few things-:

Get britney spears new album
Get a new discman or mp3
Get contacts
Cut my hair

quite little stuff i want but just one big problem i have no $$$....

oh well, if that is the small problem then look at this : i have got no pocket money at all this holiday. so : ha!

today i spent the whole day playing on the computer and now i am listening to some crappy music.

yeah....

so anyway, ciao!!

xoxoxo kisses

mood: happy!! =)

2004-11-10T19:46:00.000+08:00

oh man, i am going to malaysia!!this will be my last entry before i go to malaysia...i am just waiting for my father to get ready...

oh and i watched the princess diaries2 (click for link!) and it rocks!!it is damn funny and i love it man....haha...must watch!!!

oh and i love ice cream and too bad my ice cream dropped on the floor when i ate it....and i love my hair style...thanks to my ah moi who helped me to tie it...

anyway.....i am still gonna give kisses...xoxoxoxoxo....haha...

mood: complicated

2004-11-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

i am going for holiday!!!! Y-E-A-H!!!

finally i get to go out of singapore....yeah!!

first i would like to thank those ppl who tagged my board!!! kisses.

today was basically boring but well, here i am blogging...

the reason why i even created a blog was because i was too bored and needed somewhere to write my stuff....writing on paper is too tiring you see....

anyway, i just changed my blog song...hope it is nice....

damn it, i can't even wear a shoe properly....guess my legs are just too big.i am just a stupid big sized and ugly little girl...urks.

sometimes i just feel depressed......

................
................

never mind, i am just crapping here....

but a blog is for crapping so..

CRAP
CRAP
CRAP
CRAP

fine, enough....but i don't know what to write so anyway,

CRAP

i just thought of something, tomorrow i am going to the movies!!!! oh my god!!! with my ah moi, ah ji and ah bu!!!!

THREE CHEERS FOR MY AH MOI, AH JI AND AH BU!!!! (I AM THE CUTEST IN THE FAMILY!!)

2004-11-08T20:40:00.000+08:00

to all my frenz who tagged my board..

Lurve ya!!

[xoxoxoxoxoxo ] loads and loads of kisses...muaks!

mood: bored

2004-11-08T20:25:00.000+08:00

u know what??? i feel so sorry for not blogging for so long...hahah....just when i swore not to blog anymore coz this stupid comp is so slow. But, oh well, here i am stuck in front of the computer...haha...

oh and choir is not so bad after all...we had this new song called "night". it is a japanese song and it rocks....and our choir conductor said we sounded good.well, kind of. heheee...

i wasn't that stuck at home this few days but my little toe aches from too much walking...i think it is going to break or something...

oh, and go visit chenxi's blog, the song is cool....i love it...haha..

staying at home is not fun at all with a mother who nags at you.. i tell you, it is horrendous...

and people out there!!! tag my board!! it is pathetically empty...

~**~*~**~*~**~*~ lots and lots of kisses to my ah ji and ah moi and my choir seniors~*~**~*~

~**~*~**~*~**~*~ xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo there..enough kisses to last you =) ~*~**~*~**~

2004-11-05T16:08:00.000+08:00

On a Monday, I am waiting

Tuesday, I am fading

And by Wednesday, I can't sleep

Then the phone rings, I hear you

And the darkness is a clear view

Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast

I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]OhhhhhIt seems like I can finally rest my head on something real

I like the way that feels

OhhhhhIt's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself

I love how you can tell

All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messyI get restless, and it's senseless

How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen

Make me happy it's your mission

And you won't stop til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast

When I hit that bottom

Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]OhhhhhIt seems like I can finally rest my head on something real

I like the way that feels

OhhhhhIt's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself

I love how you can tell

All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know everything I'm about to say?

Am I that obvious?

And if it's written on my face...I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting

And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...So I can dream

[Chorus:]OhhhhhIt seems like I can finally rest my head on something real

I like the way that feels

OhhhhhIt's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself

I love how you can tell

OhhhhhI love how you can tell

All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...

2004-11-05T15:49:00.000+08:00

oh great...just done my blog....i guess it isn't very good, but for a first-timer.....hmm...not bad lah...hor??

today is so boring...i am supposed to go out with my mom but....my brother brought his friends over....so i have to stay at home.... =( ....so sad....i am so bored....so, i am here typing away.....

whoa....it is raining rather heavily.....so scary.....i hate thunder and rain....ergh...

...........

............

i definitely have to go watch the princess diaries 2....i tell you...it will sure rock.....but now i am stuck at home....

.............

............

anyway, i have choir on friday....i love that song called night....it is really nice.....

2004-11-02T13:35:00.000+08:00

oh my god!! the choral and drama nite is finally......OVER!!!! yeah!!! but i still have choir...u know what???i am starting to hate choir because it is so boring...and everyone especially the seniors seems to have a black face....yeah...we suck...

anyway, i hope i can go out soon because it is so boring to stay at home all day....haiz....especially now, i have been on the computer for a few hours and my butts are numb..haha...and you know what?? school holidays kind of suck.

' ' lost in space ' '

2004-10-31T11:44:00.000+08:00

Fall, fall, fall down down down........

get enveloped in darkness.....

tangled up in Me......

down down down...

Fragile

be careful

do not break

do not break......

be lost...

down in the tangles

in the tangles

me...

lost in space

with nobody to care

nobody to care

about me....

what am i talking about???

what?????

oh no.....